Fake Tits

Can we please agree that fake tits are just awful awful awful? I don’t mean this as an expression of male guilt, of socially-conscious solidarity with women concerned about body image, objectification, etc. I don’t say this to prove my PC sensitive-guy bona-fides. I say this as a cock-in-hand porn consumer who finds the pneumatic breasts on skinny, studio-tanned, porn-stars to be sad, unattractive, erection-deflating, creepy, unnecessary. Please stop. Flat chests are fine. I can love flat chested girls. I can masturbate to pictures of flat-chested girls. Big mooshy breasts are fine too. Large perky breasts are great, when they are naturally so. But please, young women: Don’t think that anyone deserving of your attention likes those fake rigid unfeeling hemispheres packed under that taut skin. And I won’t even discuss the monstrous distended beachball-boobs, for which the surgeons should go in chains to re-education camps.

Maybe fake-tit revulsion does have a political component, even for me. I like to believe, or at least pretend, that the porn-people on camera are happy to be there, enjoying the sex and enjoying being watched. Hence my preference for amateur (or amateur-looking) porn. But part of enjoying sex means being comfortable with The Body in general, and one’s own body in particular. Anorexia and cosmetic surgery suggest, to me, a high likelihood of neurotic body-image problems. The impulse within such a woman to be a porn actress may not come from libido or exhibitionism, but from a confused impulse to win attention by effacing her own true nature, giving her body sexually to others in various ways.

In brief: I have a hard time imagining that a skinny, fake-tan, fake-tit, no-body-hair, porn-starlet is actually getting off, at all, on the sexual experience of being naked on camera, but is rather losing a battle with body-insecurity, in a very public place.

Obviously this does not apply to re-constructive surgery... although that too should be entirely optional.

Wherever it comes from, it’s a buzz-kill: Please stop with the bad fake tits.